It seemed like many days had passed that I hadn't heard from the Lord. I continued to remain in prayer, the Word of God, spent much time with Him in worship and quiet listening for Him. There was still nothing. When I began to think this is where my problems began. My husband Tom has been unemployed for about a year and a half. Daily he is diligently doing job searches, looking on job boards via the computer.
I remember the days when an unemployed person would look in the newspaper, find what interest them, go to the place of employment, fill out an application and attached a resume, if they had one. Then leave with the hopeful possibility of employment or a call for a face to face interview. Not anymore...
There are job boards that are regularly posted on the computer. If there is one that suits you then you apply by sending in your resume. When it reached an agent, who represents a company needing a position filled, the agent will call you and you're interviewed over the phone. The agent contacts the company who is looking for placement and, if their interested, the agent sets up a phone interview. If the company likes what they hear then they will let you know, with a promise to phone you back in a week or two. In the mean while, they are interviewing others for the same position. There have been many times when Tom didn't get a call back even though they said they were interested. Or the company would have other staff members interview Tom and promised a face to face interview and never got back to him. Some of the companies Tom has interviewed with just never filled the position. Anyway....
Here, I am feeling sorry for myself with self piety up to my ears. By now I'm crying big drops of tears streaming down both sides of my cheeks saying, "I thought, God you were going to give Tom a job a long time ago." Then I play the tither's card (haven't we all done that at one time or another), "We give, we tithe." Is this really going to move God? Then I said, "On top of all this we are living with our son and his family."All the while I'm thinking quietly, 'I should be grateful that we have a place to live. We are welcome in our son's house.' By the way, they all have been so good to us. Then I go back to, "Why doesn't Tom have a job. What are You doing up there God." I'm sure whoever is reading this has never done this before in their life.
Laying on my bed now, I rolled over on my side. As I roll over, out of nowhere, with my eyes closed, I see the feet of Jesus. There is the greenest grass that you ever did see peaking out between His feet. To the left of me I see water. By this time I know where I am. There we were at the River of Life. I was grateful that He revealed Himself during such a depressed time. In my religious way, which isn't a good thing, I said, "Jesus, I wash Your feet with my tears. Refreshing Your feet. I give you all of my brokenness." Then I begin to worship Him. I'm so caught up in my own self piety that I'm not understanding how religious I am.
Every so sweetly Jesus puts out His hand as an offer of acceptance. I put my hand in His. He lifts me to my feet. I'm standing face to face with Him. I'm crying all the more now because I'm with Jesus and the crying seemed different. I was very aware of His love. No matter what condition I was in, whether it was self piety, acting religious, broken and depressed, He loved me enough to show Himself to me. In an eternal split moment, He was embracing me and I cried all the more. When you're in a vision, everything seems like it's magnified and you're aware of everything. I remember His arms across the back of my shoulders and around my back. His hand gently gripping my left forearm with such love. Even though I was in the vision I could see as a seer from the outside in. On Jesus' face I could see all my sorrow as He took it all, as my intercessor.
I could hear Him say, "It's okay." He said it over and over again. He didn't say, Thus saith My Father or it shall come to pass in a booming low deep voice. Every time He said, "Its ok," I cried even more. By this time it was a cry of relief and release because I knew He wasn't pacifying me. He was actually working on my behalf. All at once, before I could say thank-You, while in His embrace, I could feel pressure of His arm on my right arm. All at the same time I could feel the weight of His body leaning toward the left of us. We both were falling into the River of Life. Our embrace was broken, Jesus was laughing, splashes of water were everywhere. I broke out into laughter too and started splashing Him and He of course splashed me back.
When all the splashing stopped and my head bobbed above the water, we were both silent, looking at each other. I could feel the life in the water saturating my whole being. All the strength and hope returning to my body and soul. I heard Jesus say, "Drink, whatever you have need of, drink." I scooped the water with my cupped hands and with every slurping sound there was a new found life pouring into me. WOW! I felt like a new person. It felt so energizing and empowering. When I came out of the encounter I forgot what I was crying about. His love is healing...
Whatever we need is in the River of Life. Jesus said, "If anyone thirsts, let him come to Me and drink. He who believes in Me, as the Scripture has said, out of his heart will flow rivers of living water" (John 7:37). "How precious is Your lovingkindness, O God! Therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of Your wings. They are abundantly satisfied with the fullness of Your house, and You give them drink from the river of Your pleasures" (Psalm 36:7-8). If you want to drink from the River of Life, close your eyes and begin to see it. See yourself through the Scriptures drinking from the River.
Jesus is wild, crazy in love with us. He is drawing us to Himself by His love, not His judgment. Man's un-renewed mind judges in the cruelest way sometimes. Man's love is of this world. Jesus' love is far beyond unconditional and not of this world. He is wild about us. He will never abandon us in our lowest or darkest moments in life. In those times be confident that He will love you through it all. When we experience and know His love for us we can give it to others.
There were two other times I experience His love and I asked Him if I could carry this love with me for others. After these experiences I noticed that I had a more calm spirit and wasn't agitated over things. Then one day the Lord said, "Love will cause you to walk in all the fruit of the Spirit. Love generates the personality of the Holy Spirit that you might walk in the spirit with Him." The Scripture tells us, "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God" (I John 4:7). I believe this love comes from knowing God and experiencing Him. That we might pass on this love that is not of this world. I'm not saying I'm there yet. There are times when I miss the mark. There is always the Word of God, the revelations and visions He willingly shows us. He sees our hearts. Our prayer could be, "Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my anxieties; and see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting" (Psalm 139:23-24). "The Lord will perfect that which concerns me; Your mercy, O Lord, endures forever; do not forsake the works of Your hands" (Psalm 138:8). We are the works of His hands, His workmanship (Ephesians 2:10). He is crazy in love with us. Just remember that when there is that old feeling of, "where is He", comes up and "what is He doing", He is saying, "It's okay." There is nothing religious about Jesus, there is not a religious bone in His body.
Today Tom had an interview with a company for a contract/possible hire for employment. It looks promising, I'll let you all know if he was hired or not.
Dr. Mary Giangreco